Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Girls

Sigh.....and it has begun. Gracie has some girls at school who are just down right mean to her. They make fun of her clothes. She's wearing jeans or shorts and t-shirts like everyone else. Nothing that should cause her to be ostracized. One girl has told Gracie she needs new clothes. Another one says she is trying to dress like them. I guess I didn't know that they had invented t-shirts. So the Mama Bear in me comes out.

One day this week I parted Gracie's hair to the side and brushed her bangs over. Now these girls say that she is trying to wear her hair like them. One even messed up her hair. These are 10 year olds! Grrrrr. Yes, the same one who was making the clothing comments. Charming huh? And the others just go along with it.

One of the other girls in this trio lives right down the street from us. If she is not in school she is down here, playing with Gracie, or calling her, or inviting herself to dinner or to spend the night. I know the situations at home for each of these girls. . But I can't tell Grace that. although it tempting to tell her why they act like such brats. This is one of those lessons she has to figure out and learn for herself. There are lots of really nice girls in her class. She just has to figure out that it does her no good to hang out with girls who are just being mean to her.

I can only imagine what it is going to be like when she is in middle school. And I can only imagine how I can go through it 4 times!! I am just praying for wisdom. For the right words. For these little girls who feel so badly about themselves that they have to pick on girls who have done nothing to them.

15 comments:

Dawn said...

I am so, so sorry! My daughter has experienced this, too. And, I just wrote about the "mama bear" phenomenon just a couple days ago (come visit my blog to read).

My advice is to go ahead and talk to your daughter about the home life of these girls - if you truly believe that is the basis of their behavior. You don't have to give specifics, just enough generalities to help her understand. I would also encourage her to pray for these girls - perhaps you can lead the way in that area. It's mighty hard to have ill feelings toward someone you're praying for regularly!

The good news is, school is almost over for the year. Maybe they'll mature/change a little over summer. And, you can limit the playdates and sleepovers during the summer while your daughter seeks out some new, true friends.

Blessings!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Mean girls.. grrr.... I have no advice. In fact, I'm on my knees most days praying the Tongginator won't BECOME one of those mean girls in the future. She has such a steamroller personality and a love for all things fashion. I am so very sorry. Hugs to Gracie. I hope she's able to focus on and develop friendships with girls who truly treat her well. Sometimes the most compassionate children gravitate to those who treat them poorly, mostly because they can't fathom WHY someone would act like that.

Andrea said...

Those are the days that I want to put my boys in a bubble! Noah had kids make fun of his lunch, nice huh! Praying for all of our children!

Kate said...

Poor Gracie. Mean girls stink. Praying you find the right solution to deal with this issue.

Our 7 Blessings from God said...

UGG!! That just stinks! Hopefully they will be nicer after summer vacation.

kati said...

When i was little i had a friend who lived down the street, the thing was, she said she was my best friend and always wanted to come over my house or wanted me to come play at her house, she was a bully, her whole family was, she was mean and manipulating and i didnt have the confidence to stand up for myself and no one to talk to about it. Encourage her confidence and if you are comfortable with it, make sure she knows she doesnt have to stand there and take it. Luckily, i could just leave, but alot of times they would manipulate me into staying and be nice to me again. The walk away policy is ok, the prayer thing sounds good, I always tell my girls (because it even happens when they are five) to let that person know that you know they are just trying to hurt your feelings and you dont like it. Find someone else to talk to our play with and ignore them. if all else fails, use humor! Girls are mean, unfortunately it doesnt get too much better as we get older, we are just wiser about how we deal with it!

Dawn said...

Hugs to both of you. Girls are mean, girls are mean and if I can say it again....GIRLS ARE MEAN! I have been telling my girls that from day 1. Middle school is very hard and it breaks my heart to hear it starting at 10 for Gracie. Prayers for you guys!

Hilty Sprouts! said...

Ah, the mean girls. Your post brought back some personally painful memories! I was one of those kids who seemed to have a big V for victim painted on my forehead! I was made fun of for hair, clothing, lack of athletic ability, etc. Painful as it was, I did survive and I do believe it made me smarter about who to trust and it developed a heart of compassion in me for others. I will pray for your Grace as it can be a tough road. Fortunately she has a family teaching her that her value is found in Christ alone which is something I did not have growing up.

Jennifer

Stacey said...

This posting makes me want to cry, thinking about what Gracie is going through. Went through the same stuff in middle school and high school, and is one of the reasons I developed depression. I had no one encourage me to be confident in myself, no one to stand up for me. I would definitely share with Gracie why these kids act the way they do (I would have liked that), because it will give her an understanding of who they are, and her praying for the kids doing this to her is a great suggestion. Definitely make her know that using the insight on the kids background against them is not appropriate. This is an opportunity for you to give Gracie self-confidence and confirmation that she can trust you in any situation, because she's got back-up! This situation will also teach her how it feels to be treated badly, and how others should be treated respectfully. It will teach her to be observant of others actions, so that she can determine the character of others she meets. Point out the good that will come of this event-yes, it's painful, but it has life-long lessons. And, she is not a doormat! She needs to be confident and know that she is loved, she is beautiful, and the things others tease her about are not what's important in life. She should not allow these girls to get to her. If she's able to stand up to these girls, respectfully, they may back down. They also need to be taught a lesson in love! If they don't start getting it now, they may continue on with this behavior well beyond when they learn this is not mature behavior.

Don't expect they will change to be good girls over the summer. If their home life is what is making them act this way, they'll be worse next year, since they've been home all summer long. But prayer can do amazing things, if not for the situation, for the person praying!

SocRMum1 said...

Who are they and where do they live?? I'll have Matt march over there and get it 'taken care of'. Grrrrr...

Seriously, though, as sad as it is this sort of thing really does happen to most girls at one point. And even on the flip side - I remember once many years ago when Tiff was involved with a group of girls who hurt another little girl's feelings. Sadly, as far as I know Tiff was the only one who got in trouble at home for it - but she remembers that lesson to this day, and has often said she wishes more of her students parents would react as strongly. As a parent, all you can do is pray for guidance and the right words - just as you are doing now.

(((hugs))) for both Gracie and you. :)

Kathleen said...

I know what it feels like to be in Grace's shoes, you know that Tonni. It hurts, it sucks, and there is just no reason for those girls to be doing that, other than they are having a hard time at home or school and that is why they are acting that way. Grace is such a beautiful girl, and she is loved by many <3

alainaw30 said...

So sorry Grace is going through this. I see too much of this at school. Praying for her character to develop and mature through this trial.

Debra said...

Sweet Grace, my prayers with all of you. I think we have all been there at some time in our childhood. Girls can be so mean. My best advice, even though you didn't ask for it, is to work on her self worth and confidence. The better she feels about herself, the lesser the sting shall be. I'd advise her to find new friends and I certainly wouldn't have the "friend" down the street over to the house any more unless you had a talk with her about being a friend.
Sending love

CC said...

I am so not looking forward to this stage :( :( Girls are mean. :(

Lori said...

As a mom to two girls and someone who was scarred by social interactions like these, my heart goes out to you. I love how you ended your post - that last sentence is so true and I'm sure you'll help her through this beautifully. Have a great weekend!